


Justice and Justifying

by JanitorBot



Category: Rockman Zero | Mega Man Zero, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, I ain't a scientist, Mentions of Wily, Mentions of X, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Takes place after the 3rd game and there is no 4th game, Technobabble, i just write stuff but i tried dammit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-17 11:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanitorBot/pseuds/JanitorBot
Summary: Zero is a hero and she’s an atoner and he's never going to look at her that way; there's one way to resolve an unbalanced equation and that's to tear it out.Don’t address it, don’t solve it.





	Justice and Justifying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prar/gifts).



> A commission for Prar.  
> Core aspects: CielZero, hurt/comfort, Ciel doesn’t think Zero can ever love her but he does
> 
> This story takes place in Inti Creates’ intended decision to end the Megaman Zero series at the 3rd game, meaning the fourth game does not happen. Which consequently means, Zero does not die.
> 
> Again, I don’t include teleportation in my fics. Teleportation is a cheap tactic to make stories convenient.

Ciel of four years ago didn’t believe in many things.

She didn’t believe that gravity and quantum mechanics were incompatible (simply, the specific variant model of string theory to reconcile the two wasn’t discovered _yet)_. Didnt believe that what she had was real coffee when the plant was recorded to be extinct at least sixty-eight years ago, that reploids were at fault for the energy crisis, and, when she escaped from Neo Arcadia, that she was going to survive past five months later from that point onwards.

Ciel of today, however, believes in plenty. She believes, for one, she may actually live to see her next decade, that luck – genuine luck - exists outside of psychological probability, poetry is the best thing humanity has offered besides science, and that despite being a test-tube baby she’s human enough to carry a fairly powerful red vision gene from her berry-gathering ancestors to distinguish at glance if her protein rations became toxic.

She also believes that though the Resistance members do love her as much as she loves them, Zero, however, does not. Not in the same way she does towards him.

Which brings her to also believing that unrequited love is truly the dumbest, the most ludicrous, worst thing that can ever exist in the universe, and that is highly telling because Ciel has definitely experienced her share of Darwin-award levels of peak stupidity back in Neo Arcadia. If Ciel had the godly capacity to prove through scientific method that crushes were stupid, she would, except science doesn’t care for her opinions, less alone her vexation.   

It’s a shame that she’s part of this unbalanced equation.

But she’s a believer now. She believes that by decreasing sugar intake and increasing citalopram into her diet, healthy exercise that doesn’t involve fleeing in panic for her life, and hard work, she can stop being infatuated with the Crimson Hero.

This will work. She believes it will. Or else her alternate option is to be depressed and she’s _not_ allowed to be depressed.

Not when the world is going to be okay now.

 

* * *

 

“Look, it’s a free world,” Neige shrugs, cheerfully casual as if she’s not currently favoring her left leg after her truck was rattled like electrons on steroids by the Golem earlier. She brushes her vivid bangs off her sweaty forehead and says, “If you want to be in Area Zero, that’s fine. I’m saying that the Settlement isn’t going to help you.”

The Resistance Commander raises an eyebrow, not sarcastic or judging, simply asking for an elaboration and the journalist before her huffs a breath.

“Doctor, I’m grateful to you and Zero for rescuing my truck. I truly am. I’m only giving you a heads-up that there’s a reason people are leaving Neo Arcadia and that’s largely because of, well, you guys. As far as the Neo Arcadians are concerned, your ‘legendary hero Zero’ killed X, Weil, the Guardians.”

“Zero didn’t kill the Guardians,” Ciel replies, trying not to sound too angry or defensive, but the false accusation has her hands balling into fists. “They sacrificed themselves to protect him when he was fighting Omega and Weil! And Weil was an absolute monster anyway - ”

“Either way they’re dead,” the informant interjects matter-of-factly, sufficiently ending Ciel’s agitated speech midway. “No one’s in charge of the empire and nobody wants to be. Who does if you’re probably going to get assassinated, right?”

Neige sends a meaningful look to Zero who’s laying against the side of the Resistance’s respective caravan truck next to the two women and Ciel huffs out a breath, trying to cool down. If Zero’s not bothered, then there’s no reason she should be either.

Nope, it’s still upsetting. Zero saved the surviving vestiges of humanity three times in a row, and it makes Ciel a bit sad that besides her and her family, no one is giving him the thanks that he deserves.

The reploid warrior levels Neige’s gaze with his own. “Neo Arcadia stood in the way of Ciel’s goal for a peaceful coexistence by executing its oppressive regime against reploids. I won’t apologize for protecting that directive.”

Ciel shivers because she can’t help it - Zero talks and acts like a somber knight and no, no no no, she’s not going to go through that comparison. She forces herself to refocuse on Neige again and says, “I sent a message to Area-X2 that I’ve completed developing my alternate energy research. No one has responded to me, but I think it’s too soon to leave the empire…”

“That’s because no one’s running the show. Neo Arcadia is too busy falling apart from its enormous power vacuum and lack of stability to take calls. By the time I left, everyone’s fighting everyone, but everyone’s got a consensus that they can blame the Resistance for their problems. Now sure, you can go to Area Zero and pretend you’re not the Resistance, but the Settlement is full of humans who hate reploids. It’s not going to make much of a difference.”  

The Resistance Commander gives herself a second to stomach in this heavy information.

“…They don’t need to help us,” says Ciel finally. “I… _We_ want to help them. Even the Settlement needs energy, right? I want to share my system with them. How can we take steps to create a peaceful world if we can’t work together?”

One set of blue eyes stare into the other set of blue.

Neige sighs.

“You really don’t seem like a bad person, Doctor...alright, how about this then? Area Zero is a big place so when you see it, turn right and head down to the south end and stay there while I try to get everyone warm up to the idea. Because personally, I agree with you.”

Ciel brightens. “Really?”

The informant grins sincerely. “Yeah. Reploids aren’t bad people. They’re people as much as us humans are. I don’t blame them for wanting to fight back after X’s disastrous witch hunt.” She thankfully rolls her eyes at the same time Ciel flinches. “Anyways, my comm sequence is 56-120-341.”

“Mine is 64-772-435.”

“Nice. We’ll talk more later. For now, I need to head back before my peeps starts thinking I really did die since the radio’s broken. Hopefully I’ll see you soon, Doctor.”

After Niege hops into her own trailer and drives off in a whirlwind of dust, Zero asks, “We’re going to Area Zero?”

Ciel nods. “When I lived in Neo Arcadia, everyone relied on X.” She subtly glances at Zero to see his reaction. When she sees none she continues cautiously. “We depended on him so much that after he disappeared no one knew what to do. it’s good to see that that people are taking the opportunity to become more independent. I want to encourage that. In case the Settlement needs help, I want us to be there for them to provide it.”

“The humans under him became too complacent with the security he provided.” Zero’s eyes narrow in unrestrained derision. “He spoiled them. The Settlement fumbling around to fend for themselves is something they need.”

Shocked, Ciel gapes. “Are you saying we shouldn’t help them?”

“I’m saying don’t help them for free. If they want the energy, they need to pay for it. Provide labor, materials, anything. If humans can’t survive on their own, then the species is doomed even without a megalomaniac caging them.”

The scientist recoils within herself.   

She was the one who made Copy X. She encouraged Neo Arcadians’ learned helplessness. She may have been nine years old, too young and naïve to know what she was doing, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s indirectly responsible for the circumstances this part of the world is in.

Neo Arcadia could have continued being the safe bastion for both humans and reploids if she didn’t play child savior and meddled.

Ciel clasps her hands together in a prayer gesture tightly. It helps prevent them from doing something obviously anxious. “I understand, but if the Settlement really needs it, I’ll give it to them. I made this energy to solve the crisis and…maybe by treating them kindly first, they’ll treat us kindly too.”

Zero steps off their truck’s wall with his foot. “Do what you feel is right. I’ll follow you wherever you go.”

He says it in the cool, nonchalant way that makes Ciel feel like she messed up and he’s tolerating it because he can afford to. It makes her want to shrink but she’s not fourteen anymore so she says, “Thank you. I can never thank you enough for helping us. If you need anything, I’m here for you.”

Because Zero gave her everything. Giving her time and attention and effort is the least she can do even though it’s a laughably sad bargain for the priceless commodity that is hope.

Zero looks at her, endless dark pools for eyes intense and - and it’s happening again. The fluttery sensation in her belly, the insistent vertigo after getting off a rocking ship because her body doesn’t know when to give up. “…Understood.”

He enters their trailer and Ciel sighs, relieved and disappointed for unknown reasons again.

_I’m his Commander. That’s all I am to him. He doesn’t see me anything more than that._

She inhales, exhales, and follows after the hero.

 

* * *

 

Area Zero, reverently nicknamed the ‘Holy Land,’ is beautiful yet dangerous.

It makes sense. For nature to flourish in what used to be a devastated area, evolution had to be ruthless. The flora and fauna are extremely hardy: Colbor accidentally stepped on a seemingly delicate curl of pale flowers across the forest floor and panicked that he killed something beautiful – only to lift his foot and see that the flattened thing bounced back into shape and slithered away. Andrew tried to pick up what he thought was a clover – bless his old heart – and the leaves chomped shut around his metal finger like a pair of jaws. Ciel herself has also seen one too many mushrooms that are radioactively colorful to be innocuous.

But Ciel loves it. It’s wild and free, a sprawling jungle in the middle of nowhere that is nature’s proof that the world _can_ heal. Humans can try to kill it over and over again and Mother Earth will turn her back, wait for the children’s obnoxious battering and petty tantrums to stop, and then come back with a patient face and a question,” Are you done now?”

That’s probably why, in her wide-eye wonder of the sheer amount of life around her, she didn’t notice the raving mechaniloid until it’s too close too late.

She yelps and ducks just before the thing can swipe for her neck, and automatically falls to the ground, curling into a protective ball. Something hot blasts over her head and she coughs when Zero’s arm coils around her stomach, carrying her off to the side before the stray Variant shoots again.

“I got it!” yells Heron. Both he and Aigle whip out their respective guns and shoot the Variant, pelting it with rains of bullets until it goes down and stays down.

Even though she nearly brushed close to death again, Ciel can’t find herself to be scared by that. Her sympathetic system has been activated for sure, but that might have to do more with the way Zero is holding her: close to him with her head tucked under his. He feels so big and she feels so small, her thin arms the only barrier between her body and his, her small hands on his chest where she can feel his steady core thrumming rhythmically, a robot heart beat contrasting her horribly human one. His golden strands of hair climbs over his and her shoulders, tickling her neck, and it’s a crime for someone to design a robot to be this tongue-twistingly beautiful.   

Zero pushes back a couple centimeters for his dark eyes to scan her figure and she knows he’s searching for even the pettiest injury as they climb upwards, but it feels like he’s combing through her soul and this is too intimate. She can’t take it.

Ciel pushes herself away and turns around swiftly so the Crimson Hero can’t see her crimson face. “Th-thank you, Zero,” she says, internally cursing at herself for her wavering voice. She coughs into her fist politely and tries again, this time speaking to the rest of the team. “It seems there are Mavericks here. Let’s return to the settlement and strengthen our security before we scout any further.”

Ciel feels a breeze and sees Zero flashes as he walks forward. “I’ll investigate the perimeter. If there’s any more Variants, it’s best to eliminate every single one of them before they come close.”

The scientist hesitates. “Zero…” When he flings a determined gaze over his shoulder, she shakes her head, giving in because she may be the Commander but Zero is Zero. Trying to stop him is like trying to persuade a bulldozer to not bulldoze: futile. “Please be careful. It’s okay to take it easy, alright? Weil and Omega are no more. The Variants aren’t a huge threat without a master to control them.”

“But they’re still a threat.”

“You’re only one person,” reminds Ciel promptly.

“That argument may apply to you, but not to me,” counters Zero. “You’re human. And this? This is my directive. Return to camp without me.”

Without another word, Zero dashes off under the curtaining vines and vanishes.

“He’s not wrong,” says Aigle a beat later. “Zero’s a legendary reploid. He’s beaten the Guardians, X, Omega, and Weil. This is nothing to him. You should worry about yourself more, Miss Ciel.”

Ciel bites her lips. “Okay,” she whispers gloomily.

Ciel gets it. She’s the resident human. The one and only “squishy” member in the Resistance. Must be wrapped up in a thousand layers of shock absorbers, gently lowered into a box made out of Titanium-X, then weld it shut and slap a “Fragile: Handle with Care” sticker for good measure.

Except it’s so, _so_ horribly misconstrued.

When she was nothing more than a serial coded embryo, Neo Arcadia’s eugenicists injected molecular scissors into her DNA and snipped away everything fragile about her to paste in the crevices with diamonds. According to the project files that she decrypted before escaping from that wretched empire, Ciel is apparently immune to a number of diseases, highly resistant to radioactive poisoning, has slow metabolism and efficient body temperature regulation, and is less prone to starvation or dehydration.

And that’s just for her survivability. But Ciel wasn’t intended to just survive. That’s too low bar. They made her quick. Competent. Intelligent. Science’s proof that yes, the genetic lottery can be rigged. Ciel was meant to be the best.

_Which makes me a failure. I don’t deserve this._

She reaches down to her side where she can feel the phantom heat of Zero’s arm wrapped around her belly. She digs her fingers into it once and lets go.

_I don’t deserve any of the good things I have now. I’m fortunate that I have any._

She’s not allowed to be greedy. She’s not allowed to be stupid.

* * *

 

After defeating Omega and Weil, after releasing the Dark Elf from her curse, after the dust and ash have finally settled - the Resistance can lay down its metaphorical arms. There’s no longer a looming presence whose sword is by their necks, taking thin red slices every time they breathe like existing is a sin.

Seeing that Area Zero is, overall, not a bad place to start a more permanent home, Ciel’s family has moved on to the next stage of building a foundation. It’s the start of a stable life free from the anxiety of hunger and fear that the young woman has desperately desired. 

It’s starting to feel like real peace.

So Ciel takes advantage of every single second she has to the fullest. Back in Neo Arcadia she’s been strictly managed her entire life, and at least that has given her the benefit to learn how to effectively manage herself as well. In her computer she has a color-coded schedule that informs her when she needs to be the commander and make her rounds. When she needs to read the “how-to-parent” manuals she found back in the city ruins so she can effectively nurture Alouette and all the other orphaned reploids, showing them what a normal life should be.

She has organized her life to a T. So it frustrates her when she discovers she has fallen asleep on her desk, startling up to the sound of knocking on her office door a few hours later.

“Sis, I got water!” announces a familiar voice like distilled sunshine.

Ciel checks the time and is proud that she doesn’t groan aloud in the presence of a child. She rubs her eyes, attempts to multi-task by stretching her neck side to side while walking and stumbles a bit for her trouble. When she opens the door she’s greeted to a proudly grinning Alouette and a not-grinning Zero; not unhappy, smiling is simply not this man’s default.

Alouette is carrying a fairly large bucket full of water while her doll’s arms are wrapped around her neck like an impromptu scarf, an eternal hug.

“You brought this all by yourself?” Ciel asks bending down, trying not to sound too groggy. She tests the bucket’s weight by pulling on the handle gently and frowns. “Alouette, this is so heavy! Zero?”

The red warrior promptly responds,” She wouldn’t let me help. I escorted her.” Just in case.

Alouette harrumphs. “I can’t have Mr. Zero help me on everything! Everyone is working super hard so I need to work hard too.”

Ciel laughs gently. “Oh doll, I’m very grateful that you worked so hard but I don’t want you to hurt yourself…”

Alouette shakes her head, her long blonde hair whipping side to side. “It’s okay! I’m a reploid so I’m fine!”

“Just because you’re a reploid doesn’t mean you should push yourself,” Ciel points out as she takes note of the thin scratches and caked dirt over Alouette’s wrists past her little gloves. Ciel reaches in her pocket and is pleased that the cloth rag is unused. She starts wiping down Alouette, who giggles over the physical attention. “I’ve seen you running around lately. Be sure to rest properly, okay?”

“You don’t rest properly either,” interjects Zero sharply. “I saw your lights were on when I came back last night.”

Alouette gasps as if personally slighted. She places her hands on her hips, trying to look authoritative, clearly using Ciel’s Mom-Mode as her reference, but comes off looking too adorable for words. “Sis, you stayed up again, didn’t you?” she accuses hotly.

She peeks a glance past Ciel, spots the unrumpled bed and the rumpled desk, and faces her older sister with a frown that speaks volumes and okay, maybe Alouette is learning a bit too well. Zero, whose facial expression doesn’t change, somehow emits equal levels of judgment.

Being on the receiving end of the radiating disapproval from both of her two favorite people concerning her unhealthy life habits has Ciel spluttering in embarrassment. “I may have gotten carried away with my research last night.”

 _And wanted to see him come back,_ quips the traitorous part of her mind and Ciel voices back a cheerful “no, shut up” to it.  

“Sisssssss,” Alouette whines, stretching out her voice that it hiccups into static. “You already found the alternate energy. Shouldn’t we be okay now?”  

“We are. It’s controlling and successfully implementing the energy that needs more working on. Using the power of Cyberspace can be dangerous if it’s not channeled properly so I want to run more tests and further polish it. If something goes wrong because of my carelessness, the energy may commit more harm than good.”

And if Neige’s people decides to open up, Ciel wants to be ready.

“Isn’t everything going really well though? How many more tests do you have to do?"

Ciel hums as she puts the used rag away. “Just a couple more. I’m making really good progress so far, but a part of me wonders it’s because of our location. For some reason, the rift between the physical plane and Cyberspace is very thin here so we don’t need to utilize the cyber elves. If this energy involves burdening the cyber elves too heavily it’s not good enough. But last night I was very close to figuring out how the Convergent Ignition – “

Alouette pouts. “The Convergent name thing is too long. Why don’t you call it the CIEL system? Mr. Cerveau and everyone else is calling it that anyway.”

Abashed, the eponymous scientist rubs the back of her head. “Calling something based on my own name feels a little weird…” despite being a tradition in the scientific community to name one’s inventions after oneself, but that doesn’t mean Ciel has to adopt it.

“But _you_ made it and it’s _amazing!”_ Alouette protests, her arms spread out for emphasis, ready to hold the sky. “You’re going to save the world! You deserve to name something amazing you made after yourself.”

_No. I don’t._

If Ciel didn’t make Copy X, Neo Arcadia’s persecution of reploids would have never happened. Countless number of reploids wouldn’t have been terminated for shallow justifications and the once utopia for humans and reploids wouldn’t be suffering the extreme power disability after consecutively losing its leaders in the past couple of years. Lack of sleep isn’t going to kill her, but it is killing the poor souls whose times are running out in that fallen empire.

She deserves no rest, let alone recognition.

A thought drifts to her of being forgotten, or maybe not being forgotten but to be considered insignificantly quaint by the passing of time. She doesn’t know if that’s something she wants or not.

“Calling it the CIEL System is simpler and more efficient,” retaliates Zero pragmatically, ignorantly slicing through Ciel’s thoughts like a katana. “I agree with Alouette. It should be called the CIEL System.”

Alouette begins pumping her fists into the air, her doll swinging side to side as she rhythmically cheers,” CI-EL Sys-tem! CI-EL Sys-tem!”

“Okay, okay!” laughs Ciel as she raises her hands faux-defensively, blushing helplessly at the support. “CIEL System it is then.”

Zero nods and makes a motion to leave, but not without adding,” Ciel…take care of yourself” over his shoulder and walks away, presumably to make his early morning patrol rounds.

Ciel is left blinking in his wake.

Between her and the red reploid, it’s always Ciel emotionally and verbally reaching out for the other’s well-being. Very rarely does Zero meet her midway.

It’s nice. It’s really, _really_ nice.

 _Will you stop?_ The young woman chastises herself. _Are you still a teenager? He doesn’t care about you that way. If he’s checking on you like this, it’s probably because you’re not keeping it together enough that even_ he’s _concerned. Besides, you have so many more important things to focus on. You’re being stupid._

Shifting her attention to what’s directly in front of her, Ciel picks up the proffered bucket of water with a strained smile, pouring it in the filtration system at the corner of the room. “Thank you for the water, Alouette. I promise we’ll get started on making some sort of piping system so you don’t need to do this anymore…”

Alouette drops her arms to the side, blinking. “Sis? Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine.” At Alouette’s suspicious frown, Ciel hurries to reassure, forcing her voice to be upbeat. “I really am! After I clean up and get something to eat, I’ll be refreshed and ready to take on the day.

“Okay, if you say so…”

Alouette doesn’t seem convinced. She needs a distraction.

“Now Alouette, Croire has grown large enough to go outside for an extended amount of time. Will you be a dear and play with her? I’m sure she’ll be very happy to spend time with you again.”

The little reploid beams. “Really? Yay!”

The small reploid goes to Ciel’s desk, gingerly picks up the capsule that holds the dark blue elf. “Croire, did you hear that? You can leave the lab longer this time! We built so much stuff while you were inside - I’m going to show you around our new home okay? It’s so pretty…”

Alouette’s voice drifts away as she runs out, her contagious cheeriness acting a physical aura around her.

Well. Time to get to work.

 

* * *

 

One major disadvantage that comes with being in the wilderness is that the Resistance have to build up the infrastructure from scratch.

It takes so much trial and error since not only is no one familiar on how to handle wood, but also no one is eager to touch the trees at all. Sadly, they had to chop down the ones around the nearby river to clear the space, shovel out a ditch for a rudimentary pipe system. It guilt tripped everybody despite the necessity. The camp is holding up well for now but Ciel is well aware that they can’t sleep off of tents and the insides of trucks forever because no, that’s now how self-respecting people should live. Ciel wants to start over; the beginnings of civilization crawling onto its feet after the Great Flood, but without going through the tunic phase and drive straight into modern society, cute kitchens, idols on screens, and amusement parks like she saw pictures of in history books.

Which makes finding the giant hunks of metal scattered around Area Zero to be a much needed, pleasant surprise.

“I wonder if this place used to be a city,” Ciel murmurs as she drags her hand across the mossy surface over what seems to be a collapsed pillar. The dew gathers at her fingers and she waves it off like sparkles. “It seems like it.”

“Alright we’re loading everything we find into the truck,” Autruche announces. The rest of the team members outside of Ciel, Cerveau, and Zero begin congregating to a flat slab the size of three recharge tubes. It may have once been a part of a wall.  

“This is amazing,” says Cerveau as he examines a solid, torn off block in his hand. “Titanium, aluminum…are these silica fibers coated in glass? Strong and light.” He sounds happy.

Wait.

“Are they all titanium and aluminum?” Ciel surveys the debris around her, stunned. “They are! What kind of town did this used to be?” What kind of town would opt for using such powerful and expensive materials instead of the traditional steel and bricks and whatever people of the past typically used?

“It’s not a town.”

Zero is standing still. One would have thought he was a statue if it weren’t for his tightly pursed lips. Then he ducks his head, gritting his teeth. He puts a hand on his helmet as if his processor has crossed wires. “It was a space colony. I remembered…’my greatest creation’?”

“Zero?” Ciel starts anxiously. She’s standing in front of him but he’s staring unseeing. She might as well be invisible.

“He had plans for me. He had plans for everyone. He had a vision.”

“Who are you talking about, Zero? Who’s ‘he?’”

Zero’s uncharacteristic cryptic sentences are raising the hairs on the back of her neck. She doesn’t like how his face is getting darker, how his excellent aural sensors aren’t registering her or the world, a shaman channeling something dead and ominous.

 “Zero, please answer me,” Ciel tries again, “Zero?”   

“No one accepted it...”

“Zero.”

“He hated everyone…”

“Zero!”

“Especially hu – “

Then Zero blinks.

Then he looks down where her hands are holding his.

She didn’t mean to touch him. She really didn’t.

Because she knows Zero isn’t naturally inclined towards touch; tactile psychology really applies to humans and conditioned robots, and Zero is neither of them. She got his attention so she needs to pull her arms back.

But Zero’s not pulling back either and Ciel…

Ciel finds herself wanting to be selfish. Just a little bit. Forget that she’s supposed to stop loving him this way and hold his hands, damn it.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters quietly, face growing hot as she ducks her head down. She can’t stop looking at their enclosed hands even though the sight of it aches her so much she can’t stand it. “I kept calling your name and you didn’t respond.”

“…I didn’t?” His voice sounds troubled and that itself is cause of concern. The apex predator’s notorious placid indifference swapped for something else and only she gets to see it and wow, can her heart stop being an opportunistic idiot when this is really not the right time for this nonsense? 

Ciel nods, neck angled down but she’s shyly peeking up to the warrior now, all round and safe corners. “Who were you remembering?”

He looks away but Ciel manages to catch the displeased twist of his lips before he did. “Someone not important. Not anymore.”

It’s a very unsatisfying answer that tickles Ciel’s curiosity but she accepts being dejected. She didn’t press Zero about Omega and Weil, didn’t press him about the death of X, only believed him when he says everything is okay.

So she says, “I see. If you need to talk or need anything else, I’m here for you, Zero,” pouring every drop of sincerity she feels into her voice.

“You’ve said that before,” he remarks.

“I – I know. I just want to help you in any way I can so I want to keep offering. But if you don’t want to talk that’s okay too! I don’t want to intrude if you don’t want me to….”

“I’m fine.”

Of course he is.

But then something magical happened; Zero momentarily tightens his fingers around Ciels’ and she feels enchanted by this tiny thing.

“Thank you.”

Then he lets go. Ciel watches him dazedly as he takes out his saber and cleanly slices off the rope-like vines greedily clinging to another piece of debris that the other Resistance members are trying to kidnap.

 _High levels of dopamine,_ she begins mentally reciting to herself, _phenylethylamine, nonrepinephrine, possibly high levels of serotonin because he helped me so much. Maybe some testosterone and estrogen too, ugh._

It’s hormones amped up with hero worship. It’s primitive evolution seeking for the most competent mate. Romantic love is nothing more than a violent batch of chemicals and Ciel should know better.

But this sensation of falling into the sky is addicting. It’s those cheesy passages of ages old, water-logged and dusty romance novels that she found in the shadows of libraries back in the city ruins – and more. This is the best and worst battle ever, this thrilling desperation of wanting every single drop of Zero that’s outside of the relationship of a Commander and her most powerful asset; a princess and her knight.

And oh god, she wants to be a real princess. Someone good and pure of sin and who the audience would root for to be with the hero. Someone who deserves the love and devotion thrown on a silver platter for her.

 _But I don’t deserve anything,_ she scolds herself viciously. She forces herself to tear her gaze from Zero by slapping her cheeks with both hands and pulling out tiny containers for sample collection of the new wildlife around her.

Zero is a hero and she’s an atoner and he's never going to look at her that way; there's one way to resolve an unbalanced equation and that's to tear it out.

Don’t address it, don’t solve it.

 

* * *

 

“Where are you going, sis?” Alouette asks when she sees the scientist stuffing in her notes into her backpack. The child reploid hangs by the office’s entrance, curious.

Ciel zips up her belongings and hefts it over her shoulder. “Remember Neige? The woman I told you about back in the wasteland? She says that the people at the Settlement are willing to meet up with me.”

Alouette gasps. “Can I come? I want to meet them too!”

“You can’t,” Ciel says apologetically. “The Settlement is very wary about reploids. They only want to see me because I’m a human. I can’t risk bringing anyone else and destroy what little trust we’re developing with them.”

But hopefully with the CIEL system they’ll come around. Ciel needs to take the first step.

She reassures everyone around her a hundred times and a hundred times more that yes she’ll be fine, no she doesn’t need someone to look after her – she’s the resident Mom, not anyone else -  and it ends with a compromise: The Commander has to take one bodyguard with her.

Ciel is about to call for Faucon when Zero unceremoniously slides into the passenger seat, closing his eyes and crossing his arms, ready anytime for departure and not taking a negative for an answer.

So Ciel kisses Alouette’s forehead smoothly, slides into the driver’s seat not as smoothly, and begins driving.

She drives out of Area Zero to travel along its perimeter, curving round and round the forest edges through the wasteland; the clear difference is astonishing, like riding along the border of two countries, one vastly dead and war-torn and the other compactly alive, all under a uniting, purpling sky stretching twilight oranges by the time she arrives to the Settlement.

The world is beautiful and Ciel drowns herself in it. It’s a more forgiving alternative than drowning herself in Zero’s presence next to her.

 _Chemicals,_ she tells herself. _Just chemicals._

Now that Ciel is aware that Area Zero is a grave for a space colony, she can recognize that the Settlement has taken shelter under a sizable chunk of it like someone took a bite out of an auditorium but didn’t chew, only relocate it; their caravans and tents are perched right at the edge of an enormous cave of space-durable metal with dim, makeshift lanterns lining through their territory like ragged street wires, casting hundreds of shadows on the people milling about. It’s messy at a glance but homey, with refugees sitting on crates and stumps eating what Ciel recognizes are Neo Arcadia’s distributed canned rations.

Niege greets her when Ciel climbs off of the jeep, trying for an easy grin. A couple guards of the Settlement, standing behind the redhead like an army, glare at Ciel, wary bucks with their figurative antlers sharpened to tips, ready to charge.

Niege attempts introductions. “Guys, this is Dr. Ciel. Dr. Ciel – “

“We said no reploids,” one tall man snaps, gesturing at Zero with the wave of his gun.

Zero looks at the alpha display with a slight tilt of his head, observing a scorpion raise its claws and stinger but it’s still smaller than his foot.  

“He’s my guard,” Ciel explains but everyone except Neige is shaking their heads and Niege is groaning, exasperated, turning on her heel to them with a snippily sarcastic,” Can you blame her for bringing one when you guys are rolling out the warmest welcome ever?”

“Like a gun is going to do shit,” another man spits. “You bastards are too fucking durable.”

Zero speaks up,” If you have qualms with me for being an android, that’s one matter. But Ciel’s a human and she’s here because she wants to help.”

“Oh yeah, if she really wants to help, she could have started following our conditions and not fuck up at the first one,” growls a woman, already taking off her safety and now Zero’s honing his gaze onto her, Neige is cursing “Ouragan, shut up!” and Ciel is reflexively spreading her arms wide in Zero’s line of sight.

“Rafale, you said you’d let me handle this,” Neige hisses.

“No, I said that I’d let you handle correspondence, not negotiations. Your role is done,” he intones.  

“There’s nothing to negotiate about. I just want to share resources,” Ciel pleads, stepping forward with her hands up. “We’re not really expecting anything back.”

“Giving handouts in this fine economy? If that’s not fucking sketchy, I don’t know what is,” snarls Ouragan.

Ciel looks up to the heavens, prays for patience and understanding, and comes back down knowing that she’s already gone through hell and this disastrous beginning imay be annoying, but not impossible.

“May I show you?” Ciel says for permission but she’s already taking out her backpack, wiping the sweat off her brow from the heat, the pressure, and the stares, as she fishes out a small energen crystal and Croire.

“We live in a world where technology exists everywhere,” she says, gently coaching Croire out of her little glass capsule. “Active or inactive, the earth is extremely layered with machinery. Second Law of Thermodynamics: the entropy of any isolated system always increases. But humanity’s reliance on technology has given rise to another energy besides entropy. This energy cannot be perceived by the human eye but it nonetheless exists all around us, sitting side by side the physical realm. We call this plane Cyberspace.”

Ciel pets Croire’s head with one finger and knows it’s a strange picture to the Settlement: they’re not biologically modified like she is so they can’t see the elf; for all she knows, they’re watching a strange woman wagging her finger in the air.

“Croire, can you bring a little bit of home to us?” she whispers, offering her the crystal and the child chirps, sing-song, and blooms.

A flash of warm light and suddenly the trucks next to Ciel have switched on, headlights bright despite no one has turned the engine. The dim lanterns bright up like tiny suns and marveled gasps erupt across the enormous camp save for Ciel and Zero, who are used to this magic though Ciel.

Then the light dies down and everything goes back to normal.  

“Unfortunately without the proper equipment, I can only show a glimpse of what the CIEL System can do,” the scientist continues. “Cyber Energy Life Forms, more colloquially called ‘cyber elf’, are sentient programs that are the key for interacting Cyberspace. They exist in both realms, and by using the smallest energen crystal, they’re strong enough to act as rendezvous points, allowing the physical realm to temporarily touch with theirs. The CIEL System can maintain that point, allowing us to tap into Cyberspace’s plentiful energy at little cost.”    

It’s not a miracle cure, just a large respite with miraculous timing because there’s no such thing as perfect energy but for now, for the next century or more, it’s good enough.

Ciel smiles sheepishly. “I said that we’re not expecting anything back, but honestly I’m hoping we can cooperate. It’ll be so much easier for all of us if we can pool our collective resources and knowledge together. We can be better than Neo Arcadia.”

“Better than Neo Arcadia?” Rafale repeats.

“Yes. Neo Arcadia was supposed to be a utopia for humans and reploids and that…didn’t work out. But now the energy crisis is out of the way, we can start taking steps to make human and reploid peaceful coexistence a reality.”

Ciel can’t help but eye Zero when she says it, grinning and full of hope because they’re proof that it can work. Together they’re not surviving, they’re thriving. Even Zero is smiling softly back, a little quirk of his lips and her smile grows wider. They can do this.

Then Rafale points at Ouragon. “Her brother.” He points at the man next to him. “Mom and sister.” Points himself. “Parents.” He doesn’t point at Neige but the redhead shrinks, rubbing her arms as she silently looks away.

Smile dropping for confusion, Ciel says,” Excuse me?”

“Every single one of us lost someone because of reploids,” Ouragon sneers with no small amount of bristling hostility. “Human and reploid coexistence? Even before the energy crisis reploids were a fucking issue. You think your friend over there is good now? Just wait; one day he’s going to trip on his head and two weeks later an entire preschool gets set on fire. And you want us to forget all the wars, all the deaths, all the bullshit they’ve done and play nice?” She scoffs. “Who the hell do you think you are? X?”

X’s name, spoken aloud, is an icy wind that shudders through everyone and Ciel freezes, her blood turning cold. She’s distantly aware that some of the Settlement members are fighting now, Neige and Ouragon are in a shouting match and Rafale is pulling them apart like cats and that the other humans who’re involved in their dinner paces away are bending sideways from their seats to figure out what the commotion is.

But Ciel isn’t here in Area Zero anymore. She’s back in Neo Arcadia again, standing in the shadow of the giant she had to replicate because everyone needed their Blue Messiah than anything else and she’s singled out to do it, she was born and remade for this directive.  

She feels a hand on her shoulder and jolts, whips back into the present and noise and she swivels to the side, under a shadow of someone else.

“Zero?” she breathes with the relief of someone who just escaped from near-death. Again.  

“Let’s go.”

She blinks. “What?”

“We’re wasting our time. We showed them what they could have. Now it’s up to them to decide what to do with it.”

“But…” Ciel turns her attention back to the still squabbling Settlement members, unsure.

“- was the one who banished Weil instead of killing him,” snarls Ouragon.

“Don’t speak ill of the dead. X protected us. He was the only one who wasn’t bad.” 

“That’s because he _owed_ us, Saluer. The reploids were his mess, it only made sense that he had to clean after himself. It took him, what, the past decade out of the entire century to realize that reploids weren’t worth the goddamn hassle.”

“Can you stop being a self-entitled bitch for one minute – “

“Shut up, Neige, your ex was a reploid. Not surprised you’re getting chummy. Did Craft give you a good – “

“Ouragon!” commands Rafale at the same time Neige’s face has bloomed as vivid red as her hair.

That sight of the one other human who’s willing to believe in her getting cornered has Ciel stepping forward, and she keeps her back straight and eyes determinedly forward when they all lay eyes on her, silently daring her to interfere, but she’s not afraid. She never is when she knows that Zero is covering her back.

“It’s only natural you wouldn’t trust us. This is our first time meeting,” the Commander says as diplomatically as she can because she can’t say anything about these people’s losses. She’s an outsider as much as Zero is and honestly, touching that boiling pot of personal hurt is the farthest thing she wants to do. “We’re going to head back to our camp for now, but I want to let you all know that my communication channel is always open. When you’re ready for us to work together, we’ll come.”

“’When?’ Pretty presumptuous of you,” remarks the guard called Saluer.

“Humans and reploids need each other. We can never be able to take the proper steps towards peace if we’re enemies. I hope that one day you’ll understand that we’re here to help, not to harm.”

“Just leave us alone. This settlement was built by humans, for humans, and we’ll be fine without you,” grumbles Ouragon, waving her gun towards Ciel and her jeep.

“I’m sorry, Doctor,” Neige says mournfully but Ciel nods once with a “what can you do?” smile.

Ciel meant for that to be the end of it, ready to call this battle a loss and return to the vehicle, return to her family, but suddenly Zero’s moving and it’s not towards their transit.

Zero marches up to Ouragon and the humans panic, instantly lifting their guns and aiming at the legend and he’s unmoved, boldly coming close enough for Ouragon’s muzzle to be an inch away from his chest where his core is.

“Get the fuck away from me or I’ll shoot, robot!” she growls.

“Look at you cowering in fear. You’re no different than you were back in Neo Arcadia,” he scoffs. He snatches the gun and aims it right back at her forehead in one slick, fluid motion, casually lightning fast that it takes Rafale, Neige, and Saluer to react half a second slower by aiming their respective weapons back at Zero.

“Zero, what are you doing!” Ciel cries out. “Stand down!”

“Zero? _You’re Zero!?”_ Rafale screeches and Ciel curses herself for her impulsive slip-up. “You killed X! You’re the reason Neo Arcadia’s in chaos!”

“No. That’s all _your_ fault. You all like to think yourselves as the innocent victims to your plight as if humanity had no hand in it,” Zero retaliates with simmering fury laced in his voice like arsenic and now Ciel is no longer scared of losing a future truce forever; Zero is releasing unrestrained vitriol and she’s outright terrified.

“X built an empire to shelter humans and what happened? You all relied on him so much that you forgot how to function without him. If you weren’t a player, you were a bystander. You stood by, perfectly content to let someone else take control of your destiny. Between the both of us, I am the least interested party in a cooperation. Humans have done nothing except given me grief since my activation.

“But if anything, _anything,_ happens to Ciel, then this world is truly done for.”

Zero does something impossible quick again – one second he’s aiming Ouragon’s gun right back at the woman, the next every gun aimed at him is flung to the side out of everyone’s hands except his own, his hair settling down the only sign he moved at all. As they splutter, he continues talking.

“My message is simple. Whatever you choose to do, I don’t care. But think twice before you carelessly aim a weapon at her. She is your species’ last chance for survival.”

Zero bare-handedly breaks Ouragon’s gun cleanly in half and drops the pieces just as Ouragon staggers back, shaking like a baby dear.

The reploid grabs the hand of a one, thoroughly dumbfounded Ciel and guides her back to their jeep.

 

* * *

 

Zero must have noticed that Ciel is not in the emotional state to drive and so he takes the wheel, sweeping through the wasteland under a million stars. The ride is silent for some time before he breaks it with a,” Are you alright?”

Ciel opens her mouth but there’s a thousand sob-tinged questions lodged in her throat, stemming from her chest like gnarled roots and she can only cough out a hoarse,” I’m sorry.”

Zero steps on the brakes and Ciel’s seatbelt grabs her chest before she settles back into her seat with a bounce.

“Why are you apologizing?” he demands.

“I had no idea,” she says, hushed. “I had no idea you were carrying that weight. I didn’t know you felt that way towards…”

She buries her face in her hands, slammed with shame, her chest collapsing in on itself. She swallows once, twice, then stops trying at all because she’s human and the stupid thing about being human is that she can’t disengage her tear ducts just like that.  

“I’m sorry for asking you for help,” she croaks out. “I’m sorry for burdening you, for relying on you so much, for asking you to fight for me - “

“Rust me,” Zero says harshly, sounding deeply frustrated. “If I knew you would become like this I shouldn’t have -

“No!” Ciel shouts. “I needed to know this. I’d rather you tell me everything you really feel than - than forcing you to be by my side and making you h-hate me even more.”

“I don’t hate you, Ciel.”

“How can you not?” she bursts out, facing Zero through blurry eyes, hysterical. “Did you forget?! I made Copy X, I woke you up, I took advantage of you when you had hibernation sickness and didn’t know any better and – “she gasps for breath, suffocating on guilt, “if it weren’t for me reploids wouldn’t have been persecuted, the Resistance wouldn’t have needed to be made in the first place. Elpizo wouldn’t have been so desperate to find the Dark Elf and kill the real X. I was the one that pulled the trigger that started this conflict!”

The inside of the car falls into silence. The wind rubs against the windows and Ciel drops her shoulders, all her energy swept away, the pull of the tide after a tsunami leaving wet ruins in its wake.

“You _should_ hate me,” she continues listlessly. “I don’t know about the humans you knew before but the Neo Arcadians…they didn’t do anything wrong. Everything was my fault.”

“Copy X’s persecution wasn’t your fault. He did that himself. Elpizo killing X…” Zero clicks his tongue. “That’s not yours either. I’m fighting for you and your beliefs, Ciel. If I hated you, I wouldn’t.”

Ciel coughs out a punched-out laugh. “Please, we both know who you’re really fighting for,” she says bitter and cynical because she’s tired, she’s so fucking tired, and is it too much to ask to confirm something and have one less gnawing uncertainty for once?

“Everything about me is artificial: my body, my education, my beliefs – I’m what Neo Arcadia wanted and Neo Arcadia wanted X.” It’s always, _always_ about X. “X wanted human and reploid coexistence and Neo Arcadia enforced it right up until he disappeared. I’m not that blind, Zero. You’re only putting up with me because I’m…”

She trails off. She can’t finish it. Not even to herself.

Back in Neo Arcadia, back in the old Resistance Base, every time Ciel was confronted by a conundrum she would start talking. She thinks out loud because verbalizing forces her to slow down, stop and zoom out; tick through everything she’s supposed to do, has done, breaks everything down into molecules and the next thing she knows she’s snapping her fingers, has it figured out and she’s progressing to the next stage of her research.

It’s like that now. It’s probably some psychological measure, a coping mechanism, that had her tongue in knots; her own heart trying to shield itself from what’s been lying dormant in the center of her ignored anxiety until now. The swamp flushed out to reveal a mirror on the bottom.

Zero is staring at her in unconcealed bewilderment and Ciel sardonically scores herself a point for seeing something no one else has seen. Then she adds a few more points because Zero’s face twists, emotions flitting through so fast she can’t identify them, until he settles to exasperation and manages,” Ciel, you’re nothing like X.”

“I know.” No one will ever match up to X’s legend. The true tragedy.

“You’re _better_ than him.”

Ciel swallows hard. “If you’re doing this to make me feel better, please. Don’t. “

“No – Ciel, would you just listen – “

She releases her seatbelt and swings open the door, stumbling into scorched earth and too much air. She hears Zero doing the same thing but she doesn’t turn around.

“Ciel, look at me.”

She ducks her head down. Breathes out a shiver because desert nights are always so cold but she wants to feel it screen through her, blow through her ribcage and clean it out.   

“Ciel.”

She doesn’t move.

Hearing Zero huff is the only warning she gets before something warm presses against her back, two gauntleted arms wrapping around her, and she stiffens, her body more rigid than the literal body of metal behind her. 

“Whenever Alouette cries, you do this for her,” he says close to her ear. “You did this for every single reploid in the Resistance. I couldn’t understand why a fragile human like you went so far to put your life on the line for reploids. I thought you were crazy. I still do.”

“What does me being human matter?” she says wearily. “Humans, reploids, we’re all people.”

“You really believe that,” he says almost wonderingly. “That’s why I need you.”

“Don’t say that,” she begs, pressing her arms righter to herself. “Zero, I…” she clamps her eyes shut.

Three words. Three words and follow them to its natural conclusion. Parts of the world are waiting for earthquakes that keep postponing itself off, increasing the plates’ tension and the expecting devastation; essentially, the earlier they occur, the less damage. She needs to do this now. 

“I love you. I love you, Zero. Now that you know, if you want to be kind to me then don’t give me false hope. Be honest. Tell me what you really think, what you want, and I…”  

“You said you believe in me. Then why can’t you believe that I do need you? That I love you too?”

Ciel shakes her head as much as she can with Zero’s arms caging her and now she’s flipped around, Zero’s hands on her shoulders and trapped in by his eyes, their burning intensity locking her into place.  

“If it weren’t for you I would have rusted away back in that abandoned lab, but I didn’t. Because you risked believing in me before I even know who I even was.” He brushes her bangs to the side, clearing her view of him. “If it weren’t for you, I would have been stumbling lost in a world where everyone else is a hostile with a threat assessment categorized between elevated to severe, except you. My threat assessment of you was so low I never had to raise my guard around you. You were always safe.”

Ciel is unconvinced. “Safe? I asked you to protect me and the Resistance. I sent you off to fight for us.”

“I’m a warbot. Fighting is my reason to exist. I knew that foremost before I had my memories. But even a combat-based model like me can’t stand having everyone as my enemy. I’d be compelled to terminate all those around me and what kind of world is that? I might as well have gone on to fulfill my true directive.”

The scientist frowns. “Your true directive?”

“My designation is Zero.” He smirks humorlessly. “The end and the beginning. I would be the harbinger of the world’s new baseline for my creator, one where only robots existed and all humans are extinct.”

Eyes wide, Ciel recoils. She knows nothing of this and thought she never would. Everyone knows about the legend of the Crimson Hero, but never the origin story.

“I remember everything, Ciel,” he goes on. “It was a human who made me to be a weapon. It was a human who mass-produced reploids with a degraded template that allowed them to be vulnerable and ripe for the Virus. It was a human who called for the operation to control all reploids and it was a human council that voted in favor for it, paving the road that’ll lead to the Elf Wars. So many times I personally wanted to kill X,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “He kept on preaching for human and reploid peaceful coexistence and not once has he given me any proof why I should care. I simply had to trust him because he was the strongest. My threat assessment of him was greater than any other ally or enemy I’ve encountered. But I can’t just fight without reason. I need a justification. For all the promises I made to my friend, they were vows. I never had evidence on why humans were worth the struggle until you.”

Zero hands slide down from Ciel’s shoulders and down to her clasped hands, folding over them and Ciel is suddenly keenly aware how close they are, alone under the endless sky and the universe.

 _“You_ justified everything.  In my two hundred years of functioning, you’ve done the one thing that no one else has ever done: you’ve proven to be _right_. I laid my trust on you, and you never betrayed it. You believe reploids’ lives were worth valuing and you proved it. You believe that reploid and human peaceful coexistence was possible and you did it. Every time, you kept executing your directives and never betrayed my belief in you. You can’t possibly understand how much that means to me.”

“I’ve made mistakes,” she allows dizzily. She’s not used to Zero talking so much outside of mission operations, not used to Zero touching her. “I’ve sinned.”

“Everyone’s made mistakes. I’ve made more than my fair share. But spending your entire life to learn from them, improving, and somehow keep hoping and working for a better world against all odds? From sheer belief alone? That’s you.”

He’s gently drawing her back close to him and she lets him, not that she would push him away if she has any energy left because Ciel can never resist him.

“You gave me my life back and made this world worth fighting for. I can never thank you enough for that. That’s why I need you. That’s why I need to protect you no matter what. If anything happens to you, there’s nothing this world can do to protect itself from _me.”_

There might as well be a comet coming to hit Earth, en-route to finish off this blue brown orb and Ciel can’t care because she’s shocked numb, blood no longer circulating; she’s in rigor mortis, stiff, full of air and on the brink of exploding into a mess. She’s dead and Zero has killed her. 

“I’m going to get greedy,” Ciel warns weakly because it’s the least she can do. “I’m a stupid girl. A stupid human girl. I’m trying not to be but I’m going to have moments where I’m anxious and depressed and scared and generally be a huge pain. I don’t think I can ever let you go after this.”

Zero grins, and oh god, he’s always been handsome, carved to be better than man and when he smiles – this is unfair, _so unfair,_ Ciel never had a chance to kill her infatuation when this is what she’s fighting against.

So fuck it, she’s alive, despite everything she’s somehow alive, and Zero’s here and he’s neither going to leave nor he's sticking around out of some reluctant obligation; she’s launching herself forward, unthinkingly impulsive, her lips pressed on his. It’s all lizard-brain desire, eager and reckless and desperate and there’s heat pooling in her belly as Zero pushes back, meeting her midway. The world is okay now and it’s only going to get better and better.  

Ciel is allowed to be happy. She can deserve this.  


End file.
